learning to be a friend

It's times like this when I feel like a horrible friend. I look back and see the friend I should of been, the friend I now need for myself. I've been impatient with dear friends in times when all they needed was a loving heart to simply be there for them. I haven't said this out loud, on the contrary, I've been that patient, kind friend on the outside, but inside, I want them to hurry up. "Stop whining," "be more flexible," "learn to adjust," "see where you're messing up and fix it, soon." I have become impatient with those who long for someone to wait with them as they process life, to love them in times when we seem unlovely, or merely need someone to believe in them.

But now, I'm the complaining, hurting, struggling, unlovely one, and I see how wrong my heart has been. I see now the love and grace my friends needed. I see how unkind and unhelpful my thoughts have been. In this journey of life, as we grow, struggle, hurt, and succeed, we're all looking for a little love. We long for people to stand by us in our good, our bad, and our ugly times. We need people to give us a hug, a bit of encouragement, or the space allowing us to be fully present in each season of life. We need people to let us know that where we are is ok, that the hurt is ok, that the feelings are real (even if they're not completely true), that we are still loved, and that the season will not last forever.

We don't always see it when we're in it, but the seasons of life, whether joyful or hard, they grow us, especially the hard ones. Through them, we are able to see where God has been faithful, where we have grown in our faith, in trust. We see that we are fragile and need the strength of a loving, gentile, and good Father.

Growing in a better understanding of how I should love those around me, and how I want to be loved, parallels what I'm learning about how God loves me. He loves me in my weakness. He lets me feel my hurt, and loves me knowing there is growth to come, but He never pushes me. He is gentle and kind, always full of grace and generous in love. This is how I want to live, the kind of friend I want to be. Gracious, compassionate, patient, able to fully and deeply love.