When I know how loved I am...

  I want a full life. I want to go, I want to dream, not just dream, but DREAM so that my heart is overwhelmed by the implications. I want to leave the timid behind. I want a wild, a passionate, a FULL life. I want to love deeply, to impact a nation, to restore hope to those who feel empty, bring joy for the hurting, unveil the beauty in those who don't believe they have any... to meet the needs. to love. to really, really love. To love in a way that people are changed because they see the value they have, they see how beautiful, how precious, how wanted, how desired they are, Jesus' immeasurable love for them.

  I want a life that's larger than life. I want to be so sure of my authority as one loved by God that it changes everything: the way I see myself, the way I see others, the way I treat my resources, my time, my desires. That everything in my heart would fall into order because it knows whom I belong to and how Good the one who loves me truly is.

  I feel like my life is going to be so much bigger than I can even imagine right now. I know there is so much ahead of me. My heart burns for it, yearns for it. I can't wait for what's ahead. Yet, in the now, I have so much right here, in this beautiful season, this beautiful Chico... I love learning more deeply who I am, what I love, who I am created to be, the space I was created to fill.

  I growing to see that I have a message. Thoughts and words, ideas, that bubble up in my heart to give away- even just a short conversation, a simple encouragement, a random thought that comes to mind for someone.. I have words, they are important, Jesus speaks in me, to me, I know Him, I love Him- Speak! let his love pour out on others who long to be loved.. I want to live with such disregard for the reactions of people and a single-minded gaze on the One who speaks Truth and Love, the one who loves me. In the words of dear Mother Teresa "The world today is hungry not only for bread but hungry for love; hungry to be wanted, to be loved. They're hungry to feel that presence of Christ." I want to know His love so deeply, to live in such awe of my creator, so overflowing with the knowledge his presence and goodness, that His love can't help put leak out everywhere I go. I want to be consumed with that love.

  I'm also learning that I love to pray.. to continually remember that I'm able to share my heart with the Lord and that He shares is heart with me. I love the beauty of what it means to be in the presence of the One who loves us, the boldness we have to pray, the wisdom He gives us to pray, the coming before him and letting it all out- everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, and still being closer than ever to our God. I love the promptings in my heart to call out truth when discouragements, doubt, and burdens that I wasn't created to carry crowed my view. Bringing these things on my heart out of a silence that feels so "real" and replacing them with the power of the Truth of the Kingdom, it changes things, it changes me, my mood, my attitude, my joy. "We are atmosphere changers" my friend stated the other evening. We are. We have the power, the wisdom, the authority to join with the Father's heart and speak the atmosphere of the Kingdom of Heaven and everything else must go. Fear, doubt, worry, confusion, lust, anxiety, sickness,.. they have no place here.

  Mostly, I'm realizing that my heart longs to love. I was created to love, to love deeply. I've been given a tender heart which longs to hold the hurting, to show those who don't believe in themselves how amazing, beautiful, and lovely they truly are. I want to have the resources to give to those who need it, to equip them to become the strong men and women they were created to be. I want to love people. I want to know how loved I am that I can't help but love, truly love. I don't love near as well as I long to, but the one who IS Love lives in me, and He is the best teacher. And I truly believe that loving well is something that changes as I come into a greater understanding of the reality of my God.

  How can I be selfish and hurtful if I truly knew how generous and kind, how compassionate and loving God is? How could I be judgmental if I truly understood God's heart of mercy and grace? How could I be stingy and so completely self-centered when I grasped how self-less and Good God is? How can I live so rushed and worried about time when I recognize that He rules over time, He created it, it's belongs to Him. And so do I.

  At one point in the Bible (Luke 11:5-13), Jesus is talking to a group of people about how little they understand the Goodness of the Father. He says basically that even human beings, who know so little of what it means to love well, know how to give good gifts to their children and friends when they ask. Our heavenly Father, the epitome of Love itself, He gives and gives and gives, generously to ALL, we just have to ask. So I ask to know my God more, to know- to intimately know- to be so intertwined in Him, that it effects me completely.. cause THAT, I believe, will change everything.

  Oh life. What a beautiful life I've been given. Precious people, perfect timing, treasured gifts.. I truly am blessed. Looking back, seeing all that God's done- His extreme faithfulness and amazing blessings- they empower me to believe for even more. He's shown me how Good he is, and since I know He doesn't change, I'm so excited to see more. Who knows what glory lies ahead. it's always an adventure.